Balik-blog

I started blogging in 2005. I wrote anything under the sun, but mostly about my experiences as a young pro in BPO land, my love-hate relationship with watching Philippine Idol (yes, the original ABC-5 incarnation of the international singing competition) and movie reviews (ligwakan galore). When I entered film school in late 2006 and had that feeling I want to make films in the future, I decided to quit the film reviews. Suddenly, it felt weird praising and butchering other films, then posting my views for everyone to see. (Really, it felt like kissing asses of filmmakers that I like or turning myself into a moving target of the makers of film I turned into snoozefest). So I stuck to sharing about my worldviews.

Back then, Friendster and Multiply were the hip sites, and we share links via email or Yahoo Messenger. These weren’t as powerful as Facebook and other social media that we enjoy today. See, I had a blog but I did not really intend to turn my life and thoughts into an open book for the public. I felt uncomfortable learning that some people read my blog. (Ang arte mo, e ‘di sana nagsulat ka na lang sa diary tapos i-padlock mo). Again, it was the 2000s. It felt cool to have an online persona, to declare your presence in a virtual space.  A blog is supposed to be my personal journal made online. Just that. No intentions to go viral (and “viral” didn’t have other connotations then), or to change the world.

For two years, I was able to religiously maintain my blog (the title, I opt not to share). Juggling office work in the city’s business district at day and attending film/graduate school at night, kept me too busy that I forgot that I own a blog. Oh, and I had Michel Foucault, Jean Baudrillard and other enigmatic readings for midnight snack, occasional papers to write on the weekends, and short film projects to make. So, paano? (I spent seven years as an MA student at the UP Film Institute, and if I am going to write a book about my life, this part deserves two chapters).

I stopped blogging in 2010 because of Facebook (and for a time, Twitter). Blogging still requires some space and time for deep thought (at least for me). I was too busy at work writing for my client and too busy at school writing scholarly papers, that writing for/about myself became a chore. For example, I’ve been writing this first blog entry for about an hour now. I need to exert more effort not to sound like a moron. The Facebook status update, on the other hand, felt like cutting the hullabaloo of writing. Back then, the status update format is fill-in-the-blanks (“David is ____”) and I decided to go for these bite size statements to express myself, because I felt that the core of writing for myself is that, sharing what I am doing or feeling. 

Well, the Facebook status has transformed. We can now practically post a short story as a status update in FB. So, hindi ikaw ang Valedictorian sa batch mo? Puwede mo pa ring ipost ang speech mo sa FB. You need extra space to explain your opinion? The FB status is there. Better if you add a picture. Make the status public so that the world is your audience. Wait for likes. Read the comments. Engage in a discussion. Facebook has become too toxic, I feel like it’s time to disengage. I just want to go back to the core of writing—the joys of writing for myself, to express myself, to document myself. 

Years ago, I deleted my blog. I did that after a student had told me that she had read my blog. Que horror! There are things that I posted in the past that I hope I didn’t share to the world, that’s why I do not really regret taking that out of my digital footprint. I thought that keeping a blog was redundant because I dispose my thoughts in FB anyway. Boy, was I wrong. FB is the disposal unit. 

In this time of pandemic, I will try to maintain a blog. This is Day 60ish of the quarantine (it’s MECQ now, after ECQ and CQ) and the cases of COVID-19 is soaring high. Schools where I work will go online next term, most likely until the end of the year. The film and entertainment industry is also taken into a halt, that’s why we cannot shoot my Cinemalaya entry yet. I am also writing my PhD dissertation, which I aspire to finish this year. So many things to do but these situations are sometimes causing me anxiety. Blogging will allow me to sort out my thoughts and temporarily leave the very chaotic world of FB. I pledge to limit my visits and posts in FB in favor of the long post of blogging.

This is my personal space.